Eat food that is good for me and my environment.
Challenges are meant to make us see ourselves more clearly. Understand how we can rise above - to recognize our own strengths, independence, gumption. Give us confidence and renew our convictions.
All the challenges I've undertaken have done that, and it's a wonderful thing. But there can be a dark side to them, too. Because challenges can give you a line of sight to corners of yourself you aren't necessarily excited to see more clearly. Generally, you keep those corners in shadow for a reason, and it's not fun to be forced to look at them more closely.
As I got to the mid-way point of my shop-the-pantry challenge, I found myself over-eating. The challenge was supposed to make me more aware, more mindful, more healthy and more abstemious when it came to my food. I thought I would recognize how precious it is, and that would somehow improve my portion sizes and help me eat less.
I don't know exactly why things changed. Was it a fear of scarcity? A lack of satisfaction? I ate more sweet things, too - the chocolate went faster than any other food item I had. I know that, when I eat a lot of sweets I crave them and if I can cut them out for a week, I don't crave them anymore. But there's something deeper that caused me to scarf up every sweet thing I could find in my kitchen, whether I was hungry or not. And while I started to see the outline of something lurking in that corner, I still don't really understand what it is yet. I'm still waiting for it to take shape.
I heartily dislike that I overate during this challenge that was meant to bring me to the other side of this coin, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to see and explore this unfortunate side effect. I know my relationship with food isn't the healthiest, but I'm hoping this will provide some insight and ultimately allow me to face this more squarely. Face and accept and temper. Maybe conquer. At least, hopefully, understand.
Sometimes challenges - chosen, or thrust upon us - bring out the best in us. And sometimes they bring out the worst. Either way, the test and truths are utterly worthwhile. Peer into those dark corners as you peer into those bright beams of courage, and take the opportunity to know yourself better. It's worth it to love and accept even the darkness inside yourself.
